On Another Note…

So let’s take a break from that topic for a while and just discuss some other things. Hmm…

Ok…that moment when you realize you haven’t had a visit from Mother Nature in quite some time…but no wait…it hasn’t been that long, has it? *checks calendar* OMG!!! I’M LATE! So what’s your first thought? Probably one of the following: “OMG, how did this happen?!” “My parents are going to be so disappointed!” “Oh Lord what is my boyfriend going to think (or that random guy you might have slept with that one night after you had too many drinks…oh wait…or was it THAT guy??) I kid, I kid…or do I? Hey, one never knows in this day and age. Smh. Leaving all the moral issues aside (because you probably don’t want to be lectured about my views on sexual morality or how to practice safe sex lol) No need for that…I’ll just leave this here…

Or if HE did…

Onto the second thought…”OMG I AM SO SCARED! I’m not ready to be a mom! I don’t know anything about this! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH A BABY?!”

It is one of the scariest moments in a woman’s life…then she spends the next two weeks stressing over being pregnant, then trying to convince herself that she is NOT pregnant until finally the suspense is too much and she goes to buy a test. And here is the SECOND scariest moment in a woman’s life. That TWO WHOLE MINUTES that you must wait for the test results to completely come through.

Then one of two things happens…

#1 – the test is negative and there is a HUGE sigh of relief followed by an intense feeling of sadness (because by this point, you’ve already somewhat convinced yourself that having a baby wouldn’t be so bad after all.)

Or #2 – the test is POSITIVE and you go through that ridiculous emotional roller coaster all over again (repeat emotional response number 1 for 5 minutes) followed by 10 minutes of complete and utter silence while you try to sort through this.

The hardest part is when you are unsure that the father will be excited about this news. So there’s a whole entire dialogue you have with yourself about this…trying to guess what he will say, trying to figure out how you will respond, being terrified that he’s going to walk away, hoping that he’ll stay. He could totally freak…or he could have nothing to say and honestly, either one could be TERRIFYING right now! You always think about how careless you were and the fact that it’s not just HIS fault that you’re in this situation. You know how they always say that hindsight is 20/20? Yea…this is one of those situations where you think SO much more clearly after the fact. But hey, let’s go ahead and put this out there…there are some men that would be totally ELATED to find out they’re going to be a father!

At the same time, I want to be realistic with you and say that it usually takes the father a lot longer to come around and be okay with the idea of bringing a child into this world. There are the guys that will slowly drift out of your life or IMMEDIATELY run away! Don’t return your phone calls, stop coming around…

And then there are some guys who will totally fake it til they make it because the last thing they want to do is see you stressing and feeling like you’re facing this alone. They’re totally freaking on the inside, wondering if they can convince you to get rid of the baby (a thought that most women do not even consider an option), thinking that you could still lose it at this point so they don’t have to accept it just yet, and thinking about having to admit that they too got caught up in the moment (even though they thought this would never happen to them). But for the most part, sadly, this conversation usually ends with the woman looking like this…

Even having to say the words, “I’M PREGNANT” can result in severe anxiety but DO NOT BE AFRAID! YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS! Before you get upset, first take a moment to realize that you have now had several weeks to come to terms with the possibility of a baby, whereas the father has only JUST found out (remember your reaction? The whirlwind of emotions you went through when you were freaking out? …be patient with him) If that man really loves you, he will be there. You guys will experience a tumult of stress, emotion, anger, denial, fear, and fighting but you can get through it if you’re both in it for the long hall!

So if it was scenario #1, then the moment is over. Nothing more to say about that but WRAP IT UP.

Scenario #2 though…man…you’re in for a wild ride!

The scaries: Morning sickness, weight gain, dehydration, anemia, possible birth defects or disorders, balancing work, school, relationship, and maybe other children all while consistently gaining weight and trying to keep your emotions in check. Being pregnant is HARD! You have to watch what you eat (while your body screams at you to eat EVERYTHING!…only to refuse it all and you end up hugging the toilet harder than you did last New Year’s Eve!)

So if you’re so sick all the time, how is it that you’ve gained 7 lbs in just a week and a half?! Now your pants don’t button anymore, your feet have swollen to the size of two small watermelons and you’re embarrassed to wear anything that doesn’t swallow your ever-thickening thighs. Hey…that’s PREGNANCY for you! Until you get to the point that you just don’t care anymore…you wake up and say (OUT LOUD) “Hey world, in case you didn’t realize it by this point, I’m fat and pregnant. Who cares anymore.” You can’t reach your legs to shave them (Hey honey, one day I’m going to have to ask you to help me with that), what’s the point in wearing makeup because you’re just going to sweat it off anyway, and you have to put your tennis shoes on before you get out of bed (because your feet won’t even fit in them by noon)!

But it’s okay, I promise. These things are definitely irritating enough to make you wonder why people ever decide to do this more than once…then you hear that heartbeat. And you see that little foot on the monitor. And the ultrasound tech tells you that this week, your baby’s ears have developed and he/she is falling in love with the sound of mommy’s voice singing while she gets ready in the morning. Or that first time you see Daddy put his hand on your belly and say hello…then you feel that little kick responding back. If your heart doesn’t melt, if you don’t get a little tear in your eye, then you have some sort of magic power of resistance (and I need you to bottle that up and sell it to the woman who keeps getting pregnant over and over and “just doesn’t know how it keeps happening?”)

Oh there’s just NO way, huh? You can’t think of ANY REASON that you keep getting pregnant? None at all?

Haha…oh ok…moving on. You’re going to get bigger, you’re going to be exhausted, most women will get stretch marks, but guess what…YOU ARE GROWING A PERSON! Does that not excite you? When I first saw my belly moving literally my first thought was, “Oh my goodness…this is amazing…how can anyone NOT believe in God?”

As you all know, my husband is my son’s father, but he is not my son’s biological father. And yet, one of the sweetest, most memorable moments in my life involved him and that moving belly of mine. As I stated in my last blog, there was SO much more to discuss in the relationship category. One thing I did not discuss with you yet is that after my high school sweetheart and I broke up, there was a 2 and a half year time period in which we did not see each other or talk at all. We moved on and dated other people. The guy that I dated resulted in the huge pregnant belly and watermelon feet! haha… He also was NOT the guy who stuck it out and stayed by my side. But we’ll just leave that topic alone.

Back to the good stuff. When I DID run into my high school sweetheart again, I was VERY far along in my pregnancy. Needless to say, I was at the “I don’t care what I look like anymore, I get a pass because I’M PREGNANT” phase lol. But…surprisingly…when he looked at me for the first time in years, I felt like the most beautiful woman in the world. I don’t know how he did it, or if he even meant to do it, but when he looked at me that way, I just wanted to cry. I felt like no matter what I had gone through during that pregnancy, everything was going to be okay.

 Ok THAT was not even the sweetest moment I referred to earlier…nope…how can it get sweeter? Let me tell you! I saw him almost every day after that. We would just sit on a bench in the middle of a courtyard at school and just talk about anything…the weather, the game last night, classes, just whatever. One time he just looked over at me and said “I don’t know what I was doing the last two years…” This situation was so simple and beautiful and so extremely complicated at the same time. Sometimes, he would just act like nothing had changed…completely ignore my ever-growing belly, and I let him because I knew how hard it was to deal with. And then one day, we were talking there on that bench and he stopped, looked over at me and said “Can I try to feel the baby?” OMG…it still makes me tear up just thinking about it.

So there it is…sweetest moment ever…and honestly it just gave me a glimmer of hope that maybe one day it could be alright. And look at us now! ^_^

I say all of this to tell you…no matter what point you are currently at in a pregnancy, it will be okay! Although I was not walking in God’s word, I was still nestled in His grace. Even when I did not know what to do, He always had a plan. It may not be the perfect situation, it may not work out while you’re still pregnant, but He knows…and one day, when He reveals His plan, you will stand in awe of His wisdom and unconditional love.

Lesson Learned: Have faith, Be patient…maybe God is not saying, “No,” He is just saying “I have something better in mind.”

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